And the Winner Is!
by Brit2
Summary: Harper persuades Rommie to do something just a little unusual. Please read. I hope you will also take the time to send a review.
1. Drabbles 1 to 5

This collection of drabbles started with a silly little idea that came to me one lunch time at work. I got such a good response from the great folk at the slipstream bbs that I elaborated on it and added to it. It just growed and growed.  
  
It is a work in progress and I'll post it in 5 chapter chunks. Each chapter is a drabble of exactly 100 words.  
  
I do not own Andromeda or any of her crew, the plot is however my own. If you would like to archive just ask.  
  
1 ************ "I do not want to do this, it cannot be legal."  
  
"Trust in the Harper, Rom doll, it's all good." Harper smirked. "Go to it babe."  
  
"And now," the announcer beckoned to Rommie. "Contestant number 42, Rommie Andromeda. Rommie wants to restore the Commonwealth and work with children and old people."  
  
Rommie looked daggers at Harper and smiled sweetly at the appreciative audience.  
  
Harper grinned, he'd checked and double checked the rules. Nowhere did it say that contestants for the Miss Universe contest couldn't be avatars. He could almost feel the 50,000 throne first prize in his hot little hands.  
  
2 ************  
  
"That's it, Harper, I quit. You've done nothing but lie to me since the start."  
  
"Rom doll." Harpers voice was whiny. "We're nearly there, you made the last ten. Dylan's gonna kill me if I don't pay that debt."  
  
"Dylan will not kill you, you will already be dead, I will kill you myself, slowly and painfully." The furious avatar advanced on the engineer.  
  
"Fellow beings." The announcer's voice was triumphant. "The round you have all been waiting for. The final 10 contestants will now parade naked."  
  
Harper's shouts for mercy could be heard above the roar of the audience.  
  
3 ************  
  
"Sorry, Rommie, how many times can I say that? You want me to grovel at your feet?"  
  
Now you mention it, Harper. YES!"  
  
The avatar folded her arms and tapped her foot.  
  
The chastened engineer knelt.  
  
She'd participated in the nude round; he still wasn't sure how he'd persuaded her. Perhaps she'd wanted to take part?  
  
"I don't believe it either doll," he said.  
  
He tried the puppy dog eyes, they usually worked. She was having none of it.  
  
"I lost Harper, a Perseid won!"  
  
Jeez thought Harper what a bad loser. He knew better than to say it though.  
  
  
  
4 ************ 3:02 "Rommie, babe. Those judges need their eyes tested, those that have eyes that is."  
  
It had been too much to hope that the judges would all be human. Then a thought struck Harper. "Where were you placed?" He asked hopefully.  
  
"First runner up, Harper."  
  
A gleam of light entered Harper's dark Universe.  
  
"You came second, Rommie, there's a prize for second, we've won 25,000 throne."  
  
"No, Harper, I have won the money and if you want it you'll have to do something for me." She whispered in his ear.  
  
"No way," said Harper.  
  
"Way." Rommie replied, waving the credit note.  
  
5 ************  
  
"I don't understand, Rommie." Beka questioned the avatar. "How did he get you to enter in the first place?"  
  
Harper sniggered; Dylan shot him a look that spoke volumes. Harper shut up.  
  
If Beka hadn't known better she would have sworn that Rommie blushed.  
  
"Anyway," Dylan interjected. "You managed to lose the money I'd given you to buy spares."  
  
"Aw, Boss." Harper was unrepentant. "It was a sure thing."  
  
"A sure thing? The odds were 2,000,000 to 1 against you." Rommie sighed. "I tried to stop him."  
  
Beka smiled wearily. "Just tell me, what did he do to get arrested?" 


	2. Drabbles 6 to 10

6  
  
Beka laughed uncontrollably when she heard Rommie's explanation.  
  
"Stark naked?" She spluttered gleefully.  
  
"Yeah, Boss. Naked." Harper was shamefaced. "Rom doll made me walk across the stage unclothed during the crowning ceremony. She wouldn't let me run."  
  
Trance's eyes grew wide at the thought. "What happened next?" She asked breathlessly.  
  
"They arrested me, O purple one. For public lewdness."  
  
"That was after the laughter died down." Rommie added quietly.  
  
Harper looked at the floor. "It was cold." He offered as an explanation. "I wasn't at my best."  
  
"Tell me boy." Tyr was curious. "How did you get out of prison?"  
  
7  
  
They fined me, Tyr, exactly 25,000 Thrones."  
  
"Enough of this nonsense." Dylan put his foot down. "How did you pay for the supplies?"  
  
Harper looked at the ceiling and whistled.  
  
"Tell me now, Mr Harper or you will never see another can of Sparky cola."  
  
"He sold his story." Rommie could wait no longer.  
  
"He did what?" Dylan's face was becoming dangerously purple.  
  
"He told a holo magazine the sorry tale for 30,000 Thrones."  
  
Beka sniggered. "Well done kiddo you made a profit."  
  
"He has a copy under his pillow." Rommie blabbed. "Along with. some other things." She continued lamely.  
  
8  
  
The Andromda crew looked at one another, then rushed for Harper's quarters to view the flexie. Trance in the lead, showing a surprising turn of speed. She'd used her elbows on Tyr and Dylan to good effect. A red faced Harper pursued her.  
  
The two large males lagged behind, they'd stuck in the doorway, both had tried to exit at the same time.  
  
Beka stopped the AI from leaving. "Rommie, time for a little girl talk. How did Harper persuade you?"  
  
Rommie lowered her eyes coyly. "It started when I wanted to experience something that organics do all the time."  
  
9  
  
At the door to Harper's quarters the engineer was trying to stop Trance from entering. "Rommie engage privacy mode, please." He was sweating profusely.  
  
The holographic version of the ship's AI stood arms folded blocking his way. "Sorry Harper, I seem to have lost all auditory sensors, you were saying?"  
  
With a gleeful shout Trance ran out of Harper's room brandishing the flexi.  
  
Harper slammed and locked the door before Tyr and Dylan arrived.  
  
Trance skipped past the Captain and the Nietzschean waving the magazine at them.  
  
"Trust me you do not want to look under his pillow. Eeeeew gross."  
  
10  
  
Come on, Rommie, tell." Beka insisted.  
  
"I wished to experience intoxication."  
  
"You wanted to get drunk, you let Harper get you drunk?"  
  
"It was a simple adjustment to my program."  
  
"You got drunk and he talked you into entering the contest."  
  
"Yes, until I sobered up and changed my mind. He gave me a hangover program, it was horrible."  
  
Suddenly every viewscreen on the Andromeda activated. Each one showed a naked Harper strolling across a stage.  
  
Beka stopped questioning Rommie and watched closely. The blonde pilot doubled over with laughter.  
  
"That's an interesting place to get goose bumps," she wheezed. 


	3. Drabbles 11 to 15

11  
  
Harper stood with his back to the door defending his quarters.  
  
Tyr lent forward, his face level with the engineer's.  
  
"Come on Harper, what is under your pillow."  
  
Harper sighed. "Okay, okay, it's a freeze dried ape's thingie"  
  
"Boy, do not use euphemisms, it's a p."  
  
Dylan broke in at this point. "We both know what he means. Why, Harper?"  
  
"The trader I got it from said it would guarantee success with women." Harper was unrepentant.  
  
The two humans were unprepared for the sight of Tyr Anasazi roaring with mirth.  
  
"Ask for your money back, boy." He said between guffaws.  
  
12  
  
Beka wiped her eyes. "That's the funniest thing I've seen in a very long time."  
  
Rommie nodded. "I understand why he did not want you to see this. Although I was there I did not view the event in such close proximity." She looked at Beka, perhaps we could run it through again?"  
  
Trance bounced in. "Poor Harper." She giggled. "Nice butt though." She winked at Rommie and Beka. "Don't ever tell him I said so."  
  
She ran the vid through the viewscreen again.  
  
"Andromeda, increase magnification and zoom in!"  
  
The three females and Rommie's siblings settled down to watch.  
  
13  
  
A few days later Harper landed the Maru on Sullivan's Drift. Bliss; time away from the teasing and joking on Andromeda, although Tyr accompanied him. Dylan's parting words were, "keep him out of trouble, Tyr."  
  
Harper cracked the hatch. Outside was chaos. Two groups of people, complete with banners, inhabited the docking bay. The group on the right side had banners proclaiming 'Harper, Love God' and 'Harper is Good.' On Harper's left they said 'Obscene' and 'Down with Harper.  
  
Harper slammed the hatch shut, too late. A roar echoed from the assembled crowd.  
  
"Uh oh." Harper was close to panic.  
  
14  
  
Harper watched the groups of women charge the Maru. He sighed deeply.  
  
"How am I going to go ashore now? They'll tear me limb from limb."  
  
"Yes." Tyr agreed. "And you do not want to imagine what the ones that don't like you will do."  
  
The two men watched the crowd for a while. Harper moodily, Tyr amused.  
  
Then Tyr had an idea. He disappeared for a few minutes and returned with an armful of Beka's clothes.  
  
"I have the solution, boy." He said, with a smirk.  
  
Realisation hit Harper like a blow to the gut.  
  
"No!" He shouted. "Never!"  
  
15  
  
Tyr stood arms folded and looked at Harper. The boy had reluctantly donned the garments. In Tyr's opinion the youngster made a convincing girl. Something was missing though.  
  
"You need. Tyr indicated with his hands.  
  
Harper looked down at the top he was wearing. "Yeah," he sniggered. "I don't have the right equipment."  
  
Tyr found two rolled up pairs of socks and stuffed them down Harper's front. The Nietzschean stood back and considered.  
  
"Better?" He asked.  
  
Harper wriggled, one of his 'additions' fell out.  
  
"How do I keep them in?"  
  
"I believe a brassiere is required or some duct tape." 


	4. Drabbles 16 to 20

16  
  
Later, following a series of ouches and ows from Harper as the duct tape was applied, ripped off and reapplied the engineer's new persona was ready.  
  
He had a convincing bust although it looked just a little rigid. Harper jumped. "Aw Tyr, they don't jiggle.  
  
Tyr gave him a black look.  
  
The boy's hair had been flattened and Tyr had styled it to look more feminine.  
  
Harper looked in the mirror. "I look like a girl." He said.  
  
"That was the general idea." Tyr was becoming exasperated with the young man.  
  
Harper shrugged. "Yeah I know, but I look. hot."  
  
  
  
17  
  
A little lipstick and eye shadow was applied. Then Harper tried walking in Beka's high-heeled boots. Disaster, his legs wouldn't do what he wanted them to do.  
  
"How do babes do this?" He queried.  
  
Tyr shrugged. "Practice. Remember that you have a different centre of gravity."  
  
"Tyr, how do you know all this? About babes."  
  
Tyr smiled enigmatically. "You do not need to know that, boy. Are you ready to leave the Maru?"  
  
Harper took a deep calming breath. "As ready as I'll ever be."  
  
The engineer and the Nietzschean stepped out of the hatch and into the excited crowd.  
  
  
  
18  
  
The women crowded round Tyr and Harper. "Where is he?" One of them asked. Harper looked like a rabbit surrounded by a group of dogs. Tyr answered for him.  
  
"He's not here, this is his twin sister."  
  
"We saw him, he was looking out."  
  
Tyr nudged Harper. "That was me." He shrilled. Fear sharpening his voice.  
  
"You look like him." A large woman thrust her face into Harper's.  
  
Tyr growled, several of the females fainted and were fanned with their banners.  
  
The large woman prodded Harper's bust. "It's him." She squeaked.  
  
Harper froze. Tyr pushed him. "Run, boy," he yelled.  
  
  
  
19  
  
Harper raced for the exit, forgetting the high heel problem. Tyr close behind. A horde of enraged women behind Tyr.  
  
Once Tyr was through Harper slammed the doors to the docking bay and fiddled with the lock.  
  
"That should hold them," he said breathlessly. "Now let's go and have some fun."  
  
They walked the busy streets; Harper sniggering at the attention his tight top drew from the rough looking male population.  
  
They were looking in a shop window when Harper jumped and yelped.  
  
"What is wrong. girl?" Tyr remembered just in time.  
  
"That man." Harper pointed. "He pinched my butt."  
  
  
  
20  
  
Harper was indignant. He tossed his head at the man, who grinned evilly at him showing uneven, decayed teeth.  
  
"Don't encourage him," Tyr hissed under his breath.  
  
"I'm not." Harper replied through gritted teeth.  
  
The engineer grabbed the Nietzschean's arm. "Come along now, sweetie the children will be wondering where we are."  
  
The bottom pincher took a disappointed step back.  
  
Tyr growled. Harper wasn't sure if it was at the molester or at him.  
  
Once out of sight Tyr removed Harper's hand from his arm.  
  
"Boy, do that again and I will." The look on Harper's face stopped him short. 


	5. Drabbles 21 to 25

21  
  
"Tyr." Harper smiled weakly. "Now, sweetie don't be cross, the nice man was just leaving." Tyr growled some more. Harper's would be suitor made himself scarce. Tyr took his seat. "Sweetie?" He said, giving the word a depth of meaning. Harper licked his lips nervously. "Had to make it look authentic, big guy."  
  
Loud swing music reverberated through the bar. Harper perked up a little. He looked hopefully at Tyr. "Do not even think it Harper." "Aw Tyr," Harper whined. "Please." Tyr shook his head. "I'll dance with you cutie pie." Harper's suitor had returned and he'd brought some friends.  
  
22  
  
  
  
"Tyr." Harper swallowed, audibly. Tyr folded his arms. "Go, dance with your friend, girl. I have a headache." The Nietzschean looked at the little group. 'Insatiable.' He mouthed.  
  
The suitor grinned. This was promising. He grabbed Harper dragging him on to the tiny dance floor. Things would have been better if Harper hadn't tried to lead.  
  
His partner looked at him suspiciously. Harper laughed nervously. "I practice with my sister," he muttered.  
  
The man's hand slid down until it was resting on Harper's bottom. He pinched, hard. Harper squeaked and instinctively swung a punch. His assailant hit the floor, poleaxed.  
  
23  
  
One of the fallen man's friends grabbed Harper from behind, dislodging the engineer's 'bust'. She's a he." He yelled.  
  
All Hell broke loose. Harper's outraged attacker started to squeeze the young human's ribs. Harper yelped in pain and kicked out as hard as he could, catching another of the friends on the shins.  
  
Tyr surveyed the scene. He sighed, he'd promised to return Harper undamaged. He waded in and picked up the kicked man. He threw him over the bar. There was a loud crash and the noise of glass breaking.  
  
"Harper, " he shouted. "You will pay for this."  
  
  
  
  
  
24  
  
Once Tyr had entered the fight most of the combatants seemed to lose all interest in it.  
  
Several of them left the bar in a hurry.  
  
Harper and Tyr were more than holding their own when the door burst open and a large group of women entered.  
  
"There they are," screeched a very large woman brandishing what looked like a baseball bat.  
  
Tyr and Harper looked at each other. "Run." They said simultaneously.  
  
Harper kicked off the heeled boots and ran like a hare, through the group of women and out of the door. Tyr was a heartbeat behind him.  
  
25  
  
Out of the frying pan into the fire. There was another large group of women in front of the bar.  
  
Harper dramatically ripped off the duct tape strapping the socks to his chest. The effect was spoiled a little by his howl of anguish as he also removed a substantial amount of skin.  
  
"I give up, come and get me and do your worst."  
  
The women advanced. "We don't want you." A very attractive blonde simpered. "We want tall, dark and gorgeous."  
  
Harper noticed that his name had been crossed out on the banners. He looked at Tyr and smirked. 


End file.
